Taylor

     “How’s this one?” I asked as I came to a stop at the end of the hotel bed.

     Adrian sprawled on the mattress, belly-down, fiddling with his phone. He looked up from his screen to scrutinize my outfit. He opened his mouth, but I spoke before he could.

     “It’s too much, right?” I touched the scarf I’d secured on my head, tied like a headband and draping down over my shoulder. “I don’t wanna pretend, but I shouldn’t rub their faces in it, right? This is too gay.”

     I ripped the scarf that Adrian had gifted me—the one belonging to his late mother—from my hair and turned to face the mirror on the opposite wall. The bangs of my shaggy mullet stuck out, and I flattened them, hoping the wave mousse I’d applied hadn’t cemented my hair into place yet. 

      “I should just wear jeans and a t-shirt. Nothing crazy.” I met Adrian’s whiskey eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “Right?”

     He waited a second before answering. “Am I allowed to answer? Or are you planning on talking over me again?”

     Shoulders slumping, I turned to face him. “Sorry.”

     “It’s okay. You’re nervous.”

     “I’m not trying to be a diva.”

    With a groan, he crawled to the end of the bed and sat, feet planted firmly on the stained carpet. He spread his legs and gestured me over. I obeyed, and he captured my hand and guided me to stand between his knees. 

     “Maybe I like it when you’re a diva, Miss Taylor Toxic.” He waggled his eyebrows, and I snorted.

     “I definitely can’t go to Easter lunch with my brothers as Taylor Toxic. She’d burn Isaac’s house to the ground.” My drag persona could be scary when she wanted to be, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I set her loose on my unsuspecting, conservative family.

      “We’ll save that option as a last resort,” Adrian said as he tugged me down until my mouth hovered over his. “But I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be hot.”

     “If I burned my brother’s house down?”

     He shrugged. “I like when you get feisty, gatito.” 

    I made a silly, growling noise, and Adrian laughed. I swallowed it down with a kiss, and he wrapped his hands around my bare thighs. My skirt was modest but still offered easy-access, something he took advantage of. His palms molded over my panty-covered ass, and he moaned into my mouth. 

     “We’ll be late if we—” I tried to say, but the words cut off in a squeak as Adrian lifted me off my feet and tossed me onto the bed. “Adrian, we can’t! We have to be at Isaac’s in—oh God, that ain’t fair. You can’t just—oh hell.”

     Having settled between my thighs, my boyfriend ducked his head under my skirt and mouthed at me through my panties. I went from anxiety-riddled to horny as heck in three seconds.

    “You don’t play fair,” I whimpered, spreading my legs to give him better access, and he chuckled against my erection.

      “You wearing these panties isn’t fair,” he said.

    “That don’t make sense.” I threw an arm over my eyes and gasped as his tongue slithered under the satin and lapped at my taint. “Oh, darlin’, don’t stop.”

     “I thought you didn’t want to be late,” he teased as he sucked my testicle into his mouth.

    “Then you better not waste time down there,” I challenged, and he chuckled darkly, releasing my ball from his mouth.

     “Careful what you ask for, mi cielito.”

     With a shudder, I slid my other hand under the waistband of my skirt and played with the tip of my dick while Adrian lowered his mouth to my hole. He gently licked me there, slow and questioning. I hummed in answer, and he tongued me more confidently, spurred on by my sounds of pleasure.

     Penetrative sex wasn’t something we did together, at least not with me in the receiving position. Sometimes, he’d want me to use a toy in him while I sucked him off, but that was the extent to our anal play. But he had a wonderfully talented mouth, and every once in a while, I enjoyed his tongue inside me.

     “That feels good, darlin’.” I jerked myself lazily as Adrian ate me out, his head shifting and bobbing under the fabric of my skirt. The sight was almost enough to send me over the edge, but I grabbed the base of my dick and squeezed.       “I’m gonna come.”

     “Not yet.” His voice was deeper and rougher now, and I shivered as he stretched my panties enough to give the head of my cock a nice, long suck before emerging from under my skirt. “Either you’re taking this off voluntarily, or I’m ripping them off,” he warned with a snap of my panties.

     I glared up at him. “Rip my panties, and you’ll be sleeping in the bathtub tonight.”

     Instead of being scared, Adrian grinned fiendishly. “Fuck, you’re so hot when you threaten me. Get naked.”

    “We really are gonna be late,” I said but still proceeded to remove my clothes. I felt zero misgivings as I stripped naked. Adrian and I had been together seven months, sharing the same living space for most of that time, and I trusted him with every piece of me. 

     Once we were both naked, Adrian drew me into his lap and kissed me deeply. His hand tangled in my hair, and I spared a split second to mourn all the work that had gone into styling it this morning. But then his tongue was in my mouth and his other hand was playing with my nipple, and I forgot all about my hair.

     We kissed for ages, lost in the wet glide of tongues and soft rub of skin on skin. He spat into his hand and slicked the head of my dick. Then he pushed me back until I was propped on my hands, legs spread over his thighs as he knelt. He smiled at me, giving my calf a squeeze, and I grinned back, more than a little love drunk.

     Peeling back his foreskin, he used his saliva to aid the slide as he stretched his excess skin to envelop the head of my cock too. Our tips pressed together and rubbed exquisitely inside the hot sleeve of his foreskin. Docking was one of Adrian’s favorite things, and I leaned back onto my hands and rolled my hips in time with his hand. 

     He gripped us tightly, stroking where we were connected in a smooth rhythm that sent me higher. He purred in Spanish, telling me how sexy I was, how hot I made him, how much he loved me. I moaned as his tempo quickened, our dicks locked together in his tight grasp, surrounded by his soft skin.

     “I’m gonna come,” I panted out.

     “Me too. Oh fuck. I want your cum all over my dick.”

     “Oh my stars and garters!” I cried out as I came, cock kicking inside the refuge of Adrian’s foreskin, my release seeping out as he continued his determined stroking.

     With a curse, he stiffened, hips jerking, and wet heat shot over the sensitive tip of my dick as he came in a rush. Our combined release trickled down my length, the thick fluid dripping onto the hotel blanket as Adrian separated us. His chest swelled as he touched my cum-covered dick, and I sighed in contentment.

     “Well, that was lovely,” I said, and he smirked.

     “I want to spend all day with your cock in my mouth.”

     “I really don’t think my brothers will appreciate that.”

     He burst into laughter, and I joined him, flopping back on the bed as my limbs turned to jelly. Following me, Adrian buried his face in my neck and leisurely undulated, rubbing our spent, wet dicks together. It was almost too much, but I didn’t stop him. I ran my fingers through his dark hair and hummed in utter contentment.

     “Feel better?” he asked, voice muffled in my throat.

     “I do,” I said, rubbing his tattooed shoulder. “Thank you.”

     “I love you,” he said simply, and I grinned like a fool.

     “I love you so much.”

     “It’s gonna be okay.” He kissed my Adam’s apple, his thumb caressing the testosterone patch on my belly. “And if it isn’t, we’ll come back here and have so much sex that you won’t remember why we even came to Georgia.”

     My eyes burned, but I didn’t let the tears fall. Sure, the reality was that things could go terribly wrong. It would be the first time I’d seen my brothers face-to-face in five years, and I had no idea what to expect. After I’d run away, no one had tried to find me, not even my brothers. Or, at least, they hadn’t tried very hard. 

     Isaac, my oldest sibling, had told me that they put up flyers all around the county with my picture on them, asking “Have You Seen Me?” And the local police had filed a missing persons report. But that had been the extent of it. 

     I couldn’t decide what was worse: them half-assing the search or the possibility of them doing nothing at all to even look. Part of me wanted to appreciate the effort they’d put in, but the other part, the jaded, resentful part, said it wasn’t enough. If they ever loved me as their sibling, why hadn’t they done more?

    After the terrible New Year’s Eve that we at Foxxxy—and the rest of the queer club scene on that strip—had experienced, I’d felt compelled to reach out to my family. It had taken me a few weeks to gather the gumption for it, but I’d finally looked up Isaac’s number and placed the call. He’d been shocked to hear my voice, and to my surprise, he’d burst into tears.

     “We talked about burying you,” he’d said after he’d stopped sobbing. “We thought you were dead, Jake.”

     “Not quite,” I’d said.

    What followed was weeks of phone calls and uncomfortable conversations. Isaac had two kids now, kids I’d never met and who didn’t know I existed. The second oldest, Levi, had also gotten married and had a kiddo on the way. Jeb was studying in seminary to be a youth pastor, and Nathan, the brother closest to me in age, would be graduating college soon. 

     It was surreal and painful to see how their lives had simply gone on without me, but I couldn’t exactly fault them for it, either. I was the dirty queer who had turned their back on God and family. What more could they have been expected to do when I’d left of my volition?

     But for all that had broken between us, we’d taken baby steps to reform the tattered remains of our relationships. Levi and Nathan had reached out after Isaac had given them my phone number, and even more awkward phone calls had followed. Jeb never called. Neither did my parents. I hadn’t expected them to, but it had still hurt.

     All the calls and talking had led to the here and now, lying in the bed of a Motel 6 twenty minutes out from my hometown of Preston, Georgia. I hadn’t been this close to my blood family in five years, and a part of me wanted to jump into our rental car and drive straight back to Boston. 

     “I’m scared,” I confessed into the sex-soaked air, and Adrian shifted onto his side, somehow curling his larger body to tuck into me, his head on my chest.

     “You’d be stupid not to be scared,” he stated matter-of-factly. “But they invited you. They wouldn’t have done that if they wanted nothing to do with you.”

     “Talking on the phone is one thing. Seeing is another.” I pressed on the testosterone patch until my stomach protested. “They can’t pretend I’m not queer when I’m standing in front of them wearing a skirt and holding your hand.”

     Taking my hand away from where I was abusing the patch, he kissed the tips of my fingers, one by one. “I’m gonna say what I’ve said for the past few weeks. If they can’t accept you for everything you are, then they’re not worth the air you breathe on them.” I snorted unattractively, but he continued. “You’re the most incredible person I know, and you shouldn’t have to censor yourself to make them comfortable.”

     It was strange hearing him talk like this when he’d spent almost his whole life hiding his true self from everyone. But I knew better than most what it meant to cling to that closet door in the name of survival, and I’d never begrudge him for the choices he’d made. Plus, watching him experience true freedom of expression and life for the first time was exhilarating. As much as I wished he’d had support growing, I was grateful to be a small part of his liberation now. 

     “I think I’ll wear jeans,” I said, and he nodded against my chest.

     “Okay.”

    “But I’ll wear the scarf too,” I added, and I heard the smile in his voice as he murmured, “I love you,” into my sternum.

     After cleaning up and spraying extra deodorant over myself to mask the musky scent of sex, I wriggled into a pair of skinny jeans and tugged a flowy, purple top over my head. I retied the scarf around my head, knotting it behind my ear so the ends would fall over my shoulder. It took some finagling to get my moussed hair to fall the way I wanted, and Adrian chuckled smugly, teasing me for having “sex hair.”

     “It’s your fault,” I snarled at him as I finally got my hair to lay right. “If they figure out what we’ve been doing, it’s on you.”

     “They know we live together. I’m pretty sure they know we fuck.” Leaning his butt against the dresser, he crossed his bulky arms over his chest and watched me smooth the ends of the scarf. “You look beautiful.”

     “Thank you,” I said as he fingered the tassel of the scarf for a brief, tender moment. “If things go bad, tell me I can leave, okay? Tell me it don’t make me a bad person to walk out.”

     “I will,” he promised, then he opened his arms. “Come here, baby.”

     I stepped into the sanctuary he offered, and he bundled me up in an embrace I’d come to rely on. He kissed my forehead, massaging the back of my head. I whined about him ruining my hair, and he huffed.

     “You never cared so much about your hair until you got that stupid haircut.”

     “I like my mullet,” I said with a pout.

   “So do I.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Now stop stalling. Let’s go have an awkward Easter lunch with your estranged family.”

     “Don’t sound so excited,” I deadpanned, and he grinned.

     The twenty-minute drive passed in the blink of an eye, and by the time Adrian pulled the rental car to a stop, I was white-knuckling the center console. The GPS announced that we’d arrived, and he shut down the engine as we stared at the old-style Colonial house. My palms were sweaty, and it took me three times to open the dang car door.

     My stomach trembled as I climbed out and hooked the strap of my purse over my chest. I looked down, wishing I was in a graphic T and tennis shoes, instead of the feminine top and ankle boots. But then Adrian was at my side, whispering reassurances in my ear.

     “No matter what happens, you’re valid and beautiful,” Adrian said, slipping into Spanish to add, “And I love you.”

     I cupped his cheek and leaned in, pressing my forehead to his chin. “I love you. More than anything.”

    We stood that way for almost a full minute before I withdrew. I took a deep breath, then faced my brother’s front door. Adrian twined our fingers and squeezed in support. It bolstered my bravery, and I took the first step down the walkway.

     We’d barely made it halfway to the porch when the front door opened, and someone said, “He’s here! Hey! Hey, ya’ll, he’s here!”

     And then there was a flood of bodies out of the house, all speaking and shouting at once. I stumbled back with a cry as my eldest brother, Isaac, charged down the porch steps, his long legs eating up the distance between us. I didn’t even have time to think. One second, it was just me and Adrian. The next, I was surrounded.

     Losing my grip on Adrian’s hand, I was swept into a rough embrace, lifted off my feet as first Isaac, then Levi and Nathan, all hugged me. They were saying things like, “Holy cow, I can’t believe you’re here.” And, “You look so different. What the heck are you wearing?” And, “Don’t kill him before I can have a hug, you dumb hick!”

     Then I was set back on my feet, and my brothers’ smiling faces were there. Isaac, with a full brown beard and bright blue eyes, like my daddy. Levi, his head shaved, his brown eyes hidden behind black-framed glasses. Nathan’s light hair looked windswept and wild, like he’d been running his hands through it constantly, but his dark eyes were sparkling.

    Jeb, as expected, was missing. I tried not to let it hurt. Honestly, it was impossible to feel anything but overwhelming shock as I was thumped on the back and knocked on the shoulder. They were talking over each other, all excited and loud. It was… a lot.

     I wasn’t used to this anymore, and I felt the first signs of panic creeping up my throat. It took all my self-control to swallow it down as I said, “Hi.” And, “It’s good to see you.” And, “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

     For some reason, this made them all crack up laughing, and Levi ducked his head. Nathan reached out and touched the tassel of Adrian’s momma’s scarf, and I nearly jerked away from his hand. 

     “You look like one of those big city models. What with your trendy hair and all,” he said, but I couldn’t tell if he was making fun of me or complimenting me.

     “I’m not a model,” I said stupidly, and they all laughed again.

     “He’s being modest,” Isaac said.

      Nathan smacked his arm. “Not he, you redneck. It’s they.” He turned to me. “Right?”

     I gaped at all three of them, clasping the strap of my handbag like it was my necklace of pearls. “Um, y-yes. They. Not he.”

      Isaac grimaced. “Right, sorry.” 

     “S’okay.”

     Levi looked unsure, and Isaac flushed under his beard. Nathan offered me a hopeful smile. And I stood and stared, entirely lost.

     Then Adrian shifted behind me, and I blinked back into my body. “Oh dear, where are my manners. Um, this is Adrian, my boyfriend.” I waved him forward, and he stepped up beside me, offering a hand to each of my brothers. “Adrian, this is Isaac, Levi, and Nathan.”

     Isaac and Nathan shook Adrian’s hand without hesitation. Levi faltered but stumbled his way through a short, awkward handshake. Adrian acted like nothing was amiss, smiling conservatively. 

     “It’s nice to meet you all. Taylor’s told me a lot about you.” He took my hand, fingers slotting between mine.

    Three pairs of eyes zeroed in on our hands. Isaac blushed a deeper red. Nathan blinked, then shrugged. Levi frowned but didn’t say anything.

     “Taylor,” Isaac echoed, like he was tasting the name for the first time. “Right. It’s weird, seeing you look, well, like Jake, but also not. And—” 

     “Dude, you can’t say that,” Nathan hissed, eyes wide. “Using deadnames is offensive. Right?”

    Nathan looked at me. I felt like a fish out of water, mouth moving without sound. Thankfully, Adrian came to my rescue.

     “They go by Taylor,” he said simply but firmly.

     “Right.” Tucking his hands into his pockets, Isaac looked at the ground. “Sorry. I told myself I wouldn’t screw this up.”

     “It’s fine,” I found myself saying. “I get that this is… strange. For you. For all of us, I guess. Um, sorry, I’m kinda overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting…” I drifted off.

     “You didn’t think we’d be happy to see you?” Levi asked stiffly, and Nathan’s shoulders slumped, looking like a kicked puppy.

     Swallowing my reservations, I tightened my grip on Adrian’s hand and said, “I didn’t really know, if I’m being honest. Things are different. I’m different, and we can’t pretend otherwise. I mean, Jeb ain’t here because he doesn’t approve of this.” I waved at my clothes, at Adrian beside me. “I’d like us to be a part of each other’s lives, but not at the cost of my identity. I won’t lie about who I am or who I love. Not for Jeb or for our parents. Not for anyone.”

     I inhaled shakily, glancing at Adrian beside me. He was beaming at me, pride pouring off him in waves. I gave him a trembling smile, and he leaned down to smack a kiss on my forehead. My brothers stiffened at the show of affection but remained silent. 

     “Every time I think I can’t love you more, you prove me wrong,” he murmured in Spanish, and I melted into his side, taking comfort and courage from his presence.

     When I was ready, I faced my brothers again. “Is that okay with you? Am I—are we welcome here?” 

   Levi’s jaw was clenched. Isaac blinked moisture from his eyes. Nathan was smiling, practically vibrating as he bounced on the balls of his feet. I clung to Adrian’s hand for dear life as I waited for their verdict.

     “Yeah, Taylor,” Isaac said, clearing his throat to erase the hoarseness. “Yeah, you’re welcome. Both of you are. I’d really like for you to meet your nieces.”

     Wordlessly, Levi gave a short nod, a wrinkle prominent between his brows. I took it for what it was.

     “You’re, like, my hero,” Nathan said, then he lunged at me and hugged me tight enough to force the air from my lungs. “But I swear, if you become the favorite uncle, I’m going to be so pissed.”

     Laughing, I wrapped my free arm around Nathan’s waist and hugged him back. “Well, you can stay the favorite uncle, and I’ll be the favorite, um, unty, I guess.”

     “Unty?” Nathan chortled as we separated. “Words are weird.”

     “All right. Let’s get inside before Sarah starts nagging,” Isaac said, ushering us toward the house where two women appeared in the doorway, one unfamiliar and pregnant, the other an older version of the girl Isaac had married before I ran away. Two little girls with curly brown hair grasped at Sarah’s skirt, watching us with curious eyes.

     Dimly, I heard Levi ask Adrian, “So, how did you and J—Taylor meet?”

     Of course, Adrian being Adrian, he barely blinked as he said, “We worked together at the strip club.”

     Isaac said, “What?”

     Levi gaped at me. “You were a stripper?”

     Adrian flinched away from my glare. “Shit, sorry.”

     Nathan just grinned. “This is the best day ever!”

     And even though I was about to have the most awkward lunch of my life, I couldn’t help but agree.

Fin